Sunday, December 01, 2002

Update on my Soldier son


My son Joshua, who left for the Army on October 2, will be home for the holiday. I can pick him up in Kentucky on Dec 20 and he has to be back on base on Jan 2. He will ride Greyhound back. I can't wait for him to come home for those few days. He will be doing his AIT (Advanced Individualized Training) when he gets back to Fort Knox. His graduation is February 27. I have every intention of being there for that momentus occasion. Sure wish I lived closer to Kentucky!

Anyway, that's the update.

A letter from my son:


Dear Editor,

I am writing today as a concerned citizen of this great nation. With the Homeland Security bill now passed, I fear that we have just instilled upon ourselves the theorized state of Big Brother. This bill pretty much allows the government to gather information on US citizens without needing permission of any kind. I see this as being in direct violation to our civil liberties and to the basis of our nation. Our nation was founded on the notions of free speech, which includes the right to speak our minds of the government. However, I feel that right is in danger. I know many people who now fear speaking out against the government publicly, because to do so might make you a “potential terrorist” in the minds of the govt. By simply placing my name on this document I risk being labeled a “terrorist” for speaking against the government. Under this bill that means they can monitor everything about your life, e-mail, Internet use, travel, credit-card purchases, phone and bank records, etc. Add this too the already existing information the government has; passport application, driver's license records, judicial and divorce records, your lifetime paper trail, etc, and you have your entire life being viewed through a microscope. Now, when a person fears speaking out against his or her government for any reason, I think something is seriously wrong. This is a basic right granted by our constitution.

Some might argue that the bill has the best intentions and that it is for our own safety and the safety of our loved ones. This is true. With more snooping power the government will be more able to find terrorists from within, but we must ask ourselves this question. Is it worth our freedoms? There is a balance to be achieved, a balance between freedom and safety. While we can have both, we can not be entirely free and entirely safe at the same time. For if we are free, we may hurt others, and in order to ensure that we are safe from such hurt we create laws and we create agencies to enforce those laws that inevitably hinder our freedoms somewhat. So the question is; where do we draw the line? How much freedom are we willing to sacrifice for safety? Where is the point where we say, that’s enough, I want my freedom? I say that point is now. I am willing to sacrifice the safety of myself, and the safety of my family to defend my freedom and the freedom of others.

So the question becomes, what can we do about it? Call our congressmen? Write our president? I’ve tried those measures, I’ve contacted those meant to represent me, even those of supposedly like mind, and yet they have continued to vote for these invasions of privacy. So, what do we do now? The answer is simple; we must show our leaders that we will not stand for such an invasion of our rights. We must protest at every corner, in every city, at every chance we get to let them know that we are the American people, and we will not stand to be insulted like this! It is our birth-right as US citizens to speak our minds, and we should not let that right be quelled for any reason. I hope that we as a people, will have the strength to stand up for what is right. For if we do not stand against our own government when it is in err, it shall only continue to err until it destroys the nation. And if we should choose to not stand and face our problems, and we instead choose to blame our problems on others, than we will have failed in our responsibilities as a people of a free nation.

A concerned citizen of these United States

Andrew Barrett

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Memories of Mom

Well, today, November 21 is a day in my life that has a lot of meaning. My parents were married on this date in 1936. In 1997 they celebrated their 61st anniversary and after their dinner my mother had a fatal heart attack. She has been gone for 5 years now. It seems like it was just yesterday that we buried her. I miss her. The funeral is ever on my mind. Her life and how wonderful she was is always there with me. I wish I could have spent more time with her before she died, but the miles separated us and it wasn't possible but I know she loved me unconditionally and I know she knew I loved her and thought about her all the time. I wish my kids could have known her better. She was the sunshine in my life...she always had a smile, even when she was sick or in pain. My mom had a way of making you feel better about things. I think of her and I smile. I know she is in a better place and I feel that she communicates with me on a regular basis. I am sure she is looking down from where she is and sees how we are every day. I know she is with Joshua as he is in basic, and is helping him to get through it. I know she will go with him wheverever he goes. My mom stood strong and let her children know she was proud of them no matter what direction their lives took.

Monday, November 04, 2002

on Death and loneliness


This is actually a response I made to a friend but thought it profound enough to share here:

I feel the "lonelies" and wonder what it would be like to have a partner to spend time with. I have to admit I get real jealous when I hear about the fun times everyone has. I try to keep busy, but cleaning house... well... let's say that is NOT how I do it. I spend a lot of time online. I also play SimCity3000Unlimited a lot. Pretending I am the mayor of a city and can make or break all those people's lives is great therapy. LOL I have lived in this town for 18 months now and have yet to make a freind, except Keith who wants to bed me, but he's married and I am not interested. I guess I just need to be closer to my kids.

I regret not spending time with my parents before they died and I recommend that if you are wanting to spend time with your grandma you should make an effort to do so. I am an expert on death and loss...ask anyone... I have lost 3 brothers, a sister, a great SIL, my son's father (whom I loved with all my heart), both my parents, all of my grandparents (never knew my granddads), miscarried twins, my niece, and many friends. If I could go back and spend more time with any of them I would. But I can't take back time, so I am destined to live my life with those regrets. I do have the memories though of all of those people and that makes me smile every day. I have an after-death connection to my mom and my grandmother. I know that sounds a bit weird, but I believe that I talk to them on a regular basis. I have felt my mom's arms around me and smelled her perfume and I know she is there. That keeps me going. I hope that I see her (all of them really) in the afterlife....Summerland, Heaven, whatever you want to call it. I do believe in reincarnation so I don't think I will see all of them, as they have gone on to other lives, but their spirits, their hearts are still a part of me.

Sometimes I wish that there would be something massive that would destroy everything and everyone so I could go on to that better life now, and all of my loved ones would go too. I don't want to die now and leave people behind. I want everyone to go with me. I know that sounds kind of negative and depressing but what am I on this earth for anyway? I really have no purpose here...none! I would welcome the change.

I hope I haven't depressed anyone.

Saturday, October 26, 2002

My mom


On the bus the other day I was putting together poem for my mom, in my head. I thought I'd share it here...just as I have it now...of course I could add to it later.


I hear my mom's voice, echoing in my heart

I hear her laughter ringing in my ears

I see her smile as it lights up a room

And her gentle touch on my hurting soul.


I look in the mirror and see her broad smile

I look and I see the lines nature has given her

I see the lines that are from laughter and joy

And the burrows from untold sadness.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Basic training

Supposedly my son started his basic training yesterday. I won't know until he calls or writes me. I hope all is going well, as he was not too happy while in reception. He said the guys in reception were all immature and fought a lot. During the time in reception, though, he had a root canal. The didn't give him any tylenol or anything, though, for the pain. And being a mom that bothers me...I mean, no one hurts my kid and gets away with it! Yes, I know he is 22 and not a kid anymore, but an adult, but he will be "my kid" until he's old and gray.


We got some snow yesterday here in the Black Hills. The roads were pure ice and I almost wrecked my van on the way to work. I hate when the roads are like that. I have studded rear tires but they literally were no help. I thought they would help on the ice but they didn't. I have to get used to driving in the snow and ice again. The first snowfall always brings out the morons and bad drivers. I am surprised there were no more accidents yesterday than there were.

Monday, October 21, 2002

A thought I ran across today:

Being a Friend...


There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a
friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see
every now and then, who you probably have something in common with
and who you feel comfortable around.


It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with.
But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions
sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about
them.


On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in
love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them
when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see
something they might like, and you know this because you know them so
well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are
in your head regardless.


Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they
care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a
friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first
time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they
are there to listen.


Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if
they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the
people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.


Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from
colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They
are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long
to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.


Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or
maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe
they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at
your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.


They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you
when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you
can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they
understand the things you do and they love you for them.


They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch
you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life
is not the same without them.


These are your friends.

- Author Unknown

A Beautiful Monday


It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I am listening to Christmas music...yes, Christmas music in October! I love the stuff and could listen to it all year long if I could get away with it without others looking at me funny. I've been listening to it, off and on, since Josh left for Basic Training.

As I was driving my school bus this morning I saw a most beautiful sunrise. The sun was just coming up over the hills and mountains and there was fog in the valley. You could see the shapes of the mountains, like a in a mystical picture. It was absolutely unforgetable. I gave thanks then and there to the great goddess who gave this beauty to us. Mother Nature sure knows how to lift one's spirits on an otherwise dreary day. It seems that the beauty is around us all the time. All we have to do is stop and take a look. The leaves are changing colors, the birds are leaving, excited about going south to the tropics. The air is crisp and clean. There is the smell of wood burning in fireplaces and the sound of leaves and grass crunching underfoot. The sun rises and sets with various color combinations, from pinks and blues to purples and oranges. How can I not be excited about the changing season? How can I not give thanks to the ones who provide this for me to enjoy?

If you do nothing else today, please take time to stop and see the beauty that was given to you as a gift.

Saturday, October 19, 2002

Some Quotes for today

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and
love has always won. There have always been tyrants and murderers, and for a
time they can seem invincible. But in the end, they always fall. Think of it,
always. Whenever you are in doubt that that is God's way, the way the world
is meant to be, think of that -- and then try to do it His way.
--Gandhi

We are what we consume. If we look deeply into the items that we consume every day, we will come to know our own nature very well.
--Thich Nhat Hanh.

Where there is injustice I always believe in fighting. The question is, do
you fight to change things, or do you fight to punish? For myself, I've found
we're all such sinners that we should leave punishment to God.
--Gandhi

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

Our Lord is not demanding that we discard our estate and get rid of our money. What he does ask is that we banish from our souls the primacy of riches, of unfettered greed and feverish desire for them, the thorns of this life, which suffocate the seed of true life. [In reference to the biblical story of Jesus telling the rich man to sell all he had and give it to the poor]
--St Clement of Alexandria

The only devils in the world are those running around in our own hearts and
that is where all our battles ought to be fought.
--Gandhi

Everywhere, by all means imaginable, people are striving to improve their lives. Yet strangely, my impression is that those living in materially developed countries, for all their industry, are in some ways less satisfied, are less happy, and to some extent suffer more than those in the least developed countries. Indeed, if we compare the rich with the poor, it often seems that those with nothing are, in fact, the least anxious, although they are plagued with physical pain and suffering. [The rich] are so caught up in the idea of acquiring still more that they make no room for anything else in their lives [so] they actually lose the dream of happiness.
--The Dalai Lama

Those who are motivated only by desire for the fruits of action are miserable, for they are constantly anxious about the results of what they do.
- -Bhagavad Gita 2:49

I hold that to need nothing is divine, and the less a man needs the nearer does he approach divinity.
-- Socrates

A thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise.
-- Aldo Leopold

I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a 'thing-oriented' society to a 'person-oriented' society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism and militarism are incapable of being conquered.
-- Martin Luther King

Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.
-- Martin Luther King

All human evil comes from a single cause, man's inability to sit still in a room.
-- Blaise Pascal

The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
-- Plato

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi

A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW ...it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... ...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.
-- Kathy Davis

From time to time, to remind ourselves to relax, to be peaceful, we may wish to set aside some time for a retreat, a day of mindfulness, when we walk slowly, smile, drink tea with a friend, and enjoy being together as if we are the happiest people on Earth.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children, to earn the approbation of honest critics; to appreciate beauty; to give of one's self, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--that is to have succeeded.
-- (attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson or Bessie Stanley)

What's the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?
--Henry David Thoreau

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created -- created first in mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place that we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths to it are not found but made, and the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination.
-- John Schaar

We see quite clearly that what happens to the nonhuman happens to the human. What happens to the outer world happens to the inner world. If the outer world is diminished in its grandeur then the emotional, imaginative, intellectual, and spiritual life of the human is diminished or extinguished. Without the soaring birds, the great forests, the sounds and coloration of the insects, the free-flowing streams, the flowering fields, the sight of the clouds by day and the stars at night, we become impoverished in all that makes us human.
--Thomas Berry

The Earth says: rejoice! You have been born into a world of self-maintaining abundance and incredible beauty. Feel it, taste it, be amazed by it.
--Donella Meadows

Friday, October 18, 2002

Taking care of the masses


Once upon a time there was a country formed that wanted to make things better for those who became its heart and soul. It was called the United States of America. The people cared about each other and people were happy. The people had support of their neighbors and they knew that if times were bad for them they could go to their neighbor and ask for help and they would get it. Time passed and people started to get more "me" centered. They no longer could count on their neighbors to help them out and they no longer felt they could watch over each other. People started to put deadbolts and multiple locks on their doors, they bought guns, and motion detectors. The people became afraid. This led to them not wanting to trust their neighbor and if their neighbor was having a hard time making ends meet, they didn't care...after all, it wasn't their family.


This brings me to my point... We have a government in office now who takes from the poor and gives to the rich. Our esteemed (hack, hack) president only cares about his family and those who can line his pockets. He doesn't care that 1 in 4 people in a soup kitchen line is a child. He doesn't care that millions are going without health care because they lack insurance. Many of these are working class families who just cannot afford the insurance and make too much for Medicaid, even though they are still below the poverty level. There are so many people out on the streets that if they just had a 100th of the income some of George's best buddies have would be in decent housing with food on the table and health insurance for their families. Instead of giving the wealthiest people a tax break he should be asking them to dig deeper in their pockets and help those who are less fortunate. George should be thinking of the poorest of us and helping these people to get into housing, to get food and clothing for their children, and to be able to support themselves on the measly paying jobs that are out there, instead of playing with the richest of the rich. He should be concentrating on lowering fuel prices so people can get back and forth to work and not be spending 1/3 of their paychecks on fuel for the week. He should be focusing on raising the minimum wage so a family of four can be above the poverty line. He should be working on a national health care program so ALL Americans can have adequate health insurance. He should be helping those who need the help, and not just the rich guys. How about giving the low and middle class a tax break like he gave the top dogs? How about walking a mile in their shoes to see what it's like to be a working class poor person? Maybe then he will start to think about those who are the real citizens of our country, those who spend their money on our shores and not in some distant far off get-away, those who didn't vote for him.

Bush the Bully

I wonder what this proposed war on Iraq will actually accomplish. I mean, really. It seems to me that Dubya is just trying to finish his Daddy's war. He doesn't really care about the Iraqis. He says he wants to institute a Shiite democracy but do the people of Iraq really want that? I tend to believe they don't. And what exactly is wrong with letting a country live as it is? Does every country need to be a Democratic society? After Bush gets done with this war, will he then go after other countries who are not under democratic type of rule? Will he not stop until everyone is like us? Isn't that the same thing the terrorists are doing? They don't like our government so they attack us. Now we are going to attack them, because we don't like their government. I think that is the same thing, but we are bigger and more powerful so we are going to be the bully here and attack a smaller, less powerful country. It seems to me that Bush is the bully in the school yard, the kid no one likes and he is going to try to exert his power whether we like it or not. We have to give him our lunch money and he will still attack. When will he grow up and realize that that kind of power is not going to make him a great President some day?


Don't get me wrong. I don't like the terrorist and how they attacked us on 9-11, or the things they have done in other parts of the world, lately the attack in Kuwait an in Bali, but I still don't think we need to bomb a county just because they are under a different type of rule than we are or because we don't like their ruler. OK, I know Saddam Husein is a big bully, too, but what Bush is wanting to do is just as bad as what Saddam has done to us. Bush says he is going to help the Iraqis have a better life, but when we went to Kuwait and bombed their rebels we said the same thing and they are still suffering, maybe even worse off than before we came in. Since when are WE the big brother who has to make sure all evil is gone?

Thursday, October 17, 2002

My Kids

I have been contemplative and been thinking about my kids...they sure do grow up fast. It seems like just yesterday they were babies in my arms and here they are grown up men now. It just shocks me some days when I think about it. Here I have a soldier son and it seems like just yesterday my brother was giving him Army toys for his 3rd Christmas. I think that started him on the road to being a soldier. He has always liked Army toys and when he was a little boy said he wanted to be a soldier. Now he is. He used to talk about when he grew up and was in the Army he would be this or that. For a while he wanted to be an Army Medic, then an MP, now he's gonna be a Calvary Scout, a gunner, wow! Just when he did he decide to grow up? I turned around and there he was ... a grown up man. It's been 2 weeks and a day since he left. I sure do miss him...his jokes, his wisdom, his cooking! My baby is grown up.


Of course I still have Andy here at home. He'll be here for another 6 months anyway, til we move to Colorado. He, too, is a man. He will be voting on his first ever election in a few weeks. He is totally excited about that...made sure he was registered and all! Andy is harder to cook for and honestly he is a lot lazier than Josh and that is hard for me to adjust to. I mean, I always knew he was but Josh kept after him about doing stuff and it is just harder now. Plus Andy has a very narrow palate of taste preferences and that is making it hard for me to cook something we both like. With Josh here he would fix what he wanted and Andy usually would eat some of it...now it's like "You know I don't like that and won't eat it, so why did you buy it?" This is more difficult than I could imagine. I asked him yesterday what does he want me to buy for food and he said "What did we eat when Josh was home?" But, when I suggest something we ate when Josh was home he just tells me he doesn't want it. So, I have decided to fix what I want and if he doesn't want it he can make a sandwich or a salad or have a bowl of cereal ...whatever. He COULD actually do the cooking, but that is a laugh in itself. Josh learned how to cook out of necessity because I was working so much and someone had to fix meals. Andy just cruises along on the waves. I understand Dusty is the same way. Maybe it's good they are not sharing a place. LOL